Friday, October 29, 2010
MartyrMom Destroys Life
So Triple D and I are out at Chili's tonight. She gets on a roll about how I kept her from making friends by moving her to the best school in the county. I started the napkin with Ways my Mom Destroyed My Life....I said go for it sweetie, our dinner is late anyway.........she proceeded to write:
As everyone knows a napkin has 8 sides........she used only half... I guess that makes me half good.....after I copied these, I promptly took the napkin to the toilet with me and wiped my big fat ass with it..........
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How can giving someone condoms ruin their life? If she didn't want to have sex, she could have blown them up like balloons. I think you should have argued that one with her.
ReplyDeletetsk...tsk...ungrateful children.....what will they do when I'm dead and gone...woe is me....
ReplyDeleteHA!!!! Love it. And I totally applaud you using it to wipe your rear. Sometimes the best defense for crap is, well, crap.
ReplyDeleteI think it was Philip Larkin that said "They fuck you up, your mum and dad,". Of course, what he didn't say was "They bleed you dry, your whiny ingrate kids"
ReplyDeleteThen again, what do I know, seeing as I'm all repressed and British and everything...
Oh, you're such an evil, evil mother! Imagine, getting free condoms when you're 16. Man, I would have loved it if mom and dad would have bought me condoms back in the day. I didn't have any money to buy my own. I had to go out into the pasture, kill a sheep and use it's skin to wrap around my willy before I did the wild thing.
ReplyDeleteAnd you smoked oregano with the boyfriend? For shame! Goodness gracious! And... golly. Such wickedness!
This was a funny post. Good thing you had a camera with you at the time to capture her napkin-ny frustrations.
lol.
MacDougal.....I am so gonna use your quote about crap....
ReplyDeleteHey J! wish I had used the word ingrate....sounds so much more ungrateful than ungrateful.
ReplyDeleteKelly.....were there any sheep left in the pasture after your teenage years??? I thought sheep were used for other pleasures??? Were you the ape and they the frog??? Poor sheep, either way....bwahahaha
ReplyDeleteI was trying to say, and some 'link' got broken...Triple D was just kidding, right? Because it's Halloween, trick or treat time, and she's playing a trick on you.
ReplyDeleteDid the ink come off?
ReplyDeleteI wonder if she will come to recognize how absurd her condemnations are? Simply reading her words, with no analysis or explanation, shows me she is way off track.
ReplyDeleteGG...was she kidding?? hum.....I think I can honestly say that she thought we were too lenient on her. Children need structure and rules....we had few of them for her and her youngest brother. Her brother was able to figure it out....she on the other hand, needed a firmer hand than what we gave her.
ReplyDeleteAll of it happened...rather I was right or wrong...rather she really thought it was bad....We did the best we could with the tools our parents gave us. Oh yeah.......and the counselors...we can blame them too!
I will say this also...She did inherit her love for sarcasm from her mom...
PS she can hire her own counselor to tell her how to fix what we screwed up....all up to her now!
John G....my arse is clean!
ReplyDeleteJerry...this is why I gave her the napkin to start with. She had started in on how we moved her to a different school and how she lost all her friends because of it.
ReplyDeleteRather than argue with her (which I usually do)I let her put it all down on paper and when she started to write she realize how dumb most of it all was.
We were laughing by the end and I told her I was putting it up on my blog and I was gonna wipe my butt with it when I got finished.....