William Kirwill the American from "Gorky Park" says it all

William Kirwill the American from "Gorky Park" says it all
"Born-again Christians. They don't smoke, they don't swear, they don't fuck" That's me minus the Christian part

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


I read in this book that the things people most want to change about themselves are sometimes not done because they have different connotations. Good and Evil counterparts. For instance....I am an enabler. The meaning of that is that I help too much. My helping could be a means of controlling too. That's the bad part of my "being". On the other hand the good part is that I AM an enabler. Another word for that might be a nurturer.......a caregiver.......a help mate.

I've decided that you may call me an enabler if you wish but I  do not do it to control. I do it because I love.
and YES, I could love you to death so be careful!

Well I hardly know where to begin it's been so long.
I think I'm just now coming out of a depressive state.....I think.
I'm not quite sure cause I still have a hard time concentrating and staying still.
I have my nights of no sleep and my days of crying.

I know that basically the last time I wrote my friend had died. I think for me that was the beginning of the end. My depression set in full force.

Other things have happened. Triple D has been gone for almost a year now. She lives south of us about 2 hours away. Her daughter went to live with "dad" and the control freak who if she ever gets divorced will become the wicked step-mom. GRRRRR

Triple D is doing ok for the moment. She has had a couple of relapses since she has been gone but she is taking care of her shit for the most part. She has a job, lives in a half way house, and goes to more meetings a week than I care to count.

My boys are ok too, although, the Musician can't quite decide how he is going to make a living.

The Lemon, my oldest granddaughter, still lives with me. She is the sweetest most considerate person I've ever known. She worries about the craziest things. She attends high school and college. This time next year she will graduate with her high school diploma as well as her AA. She is truly amazing but like anyone else she DOES have her moments.

The other grand girl went back home to mom back in January......geesh....was it last year?  2011? Hum.....where have I been? She will be 14 in a couple of days and she has pretty much decided not to talk to me unless, of course, she wants something.

I've been knitting and knitting and playing tennis and playing tennis and studying for the exam for the IRS (which I've passed!!)

I have 2 shawls, a size 48 Aran sweater, 2 pair of socks, a soap sachet, and a pillow all on needles right now. This year so far I've completed 2 sweaters, 3 shawls, 1 pair of socks and a partridge in a pear tree (not really but I thought that sounded like it went along with all that!).

So we are all caught up..........now to go try to read some blogs

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Our Judicial System At Work

I don't really care if anyone agrees with me or not.

I have not had much faith in our judicial system for a long time. I've always thought that you are NEVER innocent until proven guilty.......you are guilty until you prove your innocence.

The media takes over and they put people out to dry before the trial even begins. They create hysteria. The general public sometime appear to be small sheep ready to be led .  People develop biases and begin to chant "Hang Her High". I swear it was like a witch hunt with Nancy Grace at the head of the pack.

Believe me when I say that I'm sure Casey had something to do with her child's death...but possibly so did her parents or that meter guy?? I don't know...........all I do know is that there were too many questions that were not answered.

There was a reasonable doubt............which makes it impossible to convict someone.

I'm not much on fighting about all this.........I just know what I believe. I see all the post on face book wishing her death and damnation. I wonder if those people could be trusted to be on any jury.........

My faith in our system was given a bit of a boost by not convicting her. She may be guilty as hell.....so might OJ or Michael Jackson......I don't know. I only know what the facts said..........and the facts created reasonable doubt.

The mistake I think that the prosecution made was to have all the possible charges lumped into one case. I'm not sure if they could have seperated them.

She was found NOT guilty of any serious charges. Thursday the judge will pass down sentencing.
She was found guilty on four counts of providing false information to law enforcement, which are misdemeanors. It's possible she could be released from prison later this week.

Sunday, July 3, 2011


She and I shared so many times I don't even know where to begin but I will tell you before her illness she was my best friend. I didn't meet her as a young woman. She was not my childhood friend. We met on the tennis courts.

Our friendship just evolved like so many friendships do. We hung out a few times. I thought she was out of my socio-economic group but she was a down to earth person. I don't know if Gina is attending her service but I remember when she told Josie, "you could drive my car." Gina was a young girl just starting off... not much money...two kids ....really struggling.  Josie on the other hand.......well, lets just say she wasn't hurting for too much.

We joined a team later on and that was the beginning of the Royals.

Captain, Me, Bill Gullickson, Lori and Josie
Back in the day we had lots and lots of  parties  and more than a few  had to have some sort of theme. No event was too small. A party was always needed.

 Josie and I became fast friends when our sons began  to "misbehave". We swapped war stories and played tennis like there was no tomorrow.

As our children grew so did our friendship. Our friendship was made of more than just our mutual love for  tennis and our children.

We shared a love for travel and adventure. We became travel buddies for the short trips that I could take. She was always ready to 'hit the road'. If I said "Josie, let's go." She would be ready in a flash. Our farthest trip was Germany. We spent a week there with friends. Some of our shorter trips included a week in West Virginia skiing, a week in San Francisco, a quick "save the children" trip to NC to pick up my grand girls, a week long visit from her and her hubby to our beach cottage and a few long weekend "girls only" trips for tennis.

 We shared a love for the books and history. . We could concoct the some pretty good  stories ourselves....together we were a pretty good team!

We loved to joke around.  There were times that we would be laughing so hard we'd really be rolling on the floor nearly (and yes a few times actually) peeing our pants. The silliest things could sometimes set us off and just looking at each other would send us into giggles again.

I remember the time she came to the courts with a nose ring in her nose. I was mortified. I wondered how I was going to keep her as my friend. She knew how I hated them. She continued the farce until we went out to lunch. At that time she was going to remove it so I would not be bothered. I started to yell "don't take it out" as the thought of watching her take it out was already making my stomach queasy..........then viola........it was a magnetic nose ring. I could have killed her..........we laughed and laughed and then I set the senerio for the party that was happening  that night. I got on the phone like any good Royal and started the grapevine gossip.........."OH MY GOD.....Josie got her nose pierced" I told everyone. The stage was set.......everyone tried to pretend they didn't notice cause I told them how proud of it Josie was. In the end Josie brought the attention to herself and started telling them how upset I was at lunch and how much she loved it. As she proceeded to ask people what they thought and they began to hem and haw, she came clean. Their expressions (as well as mine I suppose) were priceless. She had a good time with that practical joke.

We both loved to talk on the phone and would spend hour after hour talking about everything from raising children to the what really caused the Civil War. There were many afternoons that our husbands would come home and find us on the phone.

She felt giving back to the community was an obligation not a choice. She spent much time on her charities.

We would have hard core discussions about controversial subjects and our disagreements never led us out of friendship. She had a strong sense of  right and wrong. She was a stickler for etiquette. I think she must have had a Ms. Manners guide by her bedside.

I didn't visit her when she went to the nursing home the way I felt a friend should and if I had been the friend that was ill, I'm sure Josie would have visited me a lot more. I really couldn't bare to watch her deteriorate. I'm sure if she had had the least bit of her faculties in the end she would have forgiven me that.

We discussed what we wanted in life as well as in death and although I can't be there for her family at this time I know she would forgive me that too. What she wouldn't have forgiven me for would have been to not acknowledged that she really existed. She would have wanted me to let everyone know that she was a part of my world....that she made me smile.............that she made a difference in my life.

I loved her like my sister and I've missed her for a long time now.
 Her physical body is now gone but our memories will live on forever.
Christmas party at the Mango Tree. Josie center stage

The man of the hour
Always happy and full of fun.

Halloween at the Valentines

I think we were singing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline

My 50th...sharing Josie's drink!

See that cheap ass pin? She gave that to me. I still have it. There's a story behind that too.

San Fran our last trip together.

 RIP Josie....I love you