NONNA

Anne died when she was 11 years old. She had leukemia. She was the last of the children the Engineer's mom would have. There were 4 boys and 1 girl. Anne was brilliant as Nonna is still known to say. She was wise beyond her years as I've always known dying children to be.

I've been with the Engineer for almost 32 years. We've been married for 28. His mother has always been a source of support, humor, and wisdom. She has been where my mom could never be.......there for me.

Some of her words of wisdom are as follows:

When the Criminal was sentenced to 5 years in a federal prison, he was 20. Triple D and the Unknown Musician were 8 and 5. I became depressed. I told the Doc that although I wouldn't kill myself,  I wouldn't move if someone came across the yellow line.  The Doc deemed me suicidal and gave me medications to help. When I called Nonna and told her what was going on she parted with these words of wisdom........."WHAT?? You want to die?? If that happens, the Engineer will  just marry some slut and she'll raise your kids??? Do you want that to happen??"

I don't think the meds would have worked any better......

Another time I remember is when the Engineer and I were having (well I guess I was just having) marital problems. I would call Nonna all the time. I couldn't talk to my mom. All I got from her was, "Why can't you be thankful? He works and supports you really good. What more do you want???" So I would vent to Nonna. Nonna's favorite saying for any problem I was having was "he learned from the Master" ( his dad). Grumpy Gramps could/can be arrogant in his knowledge of things and feels that there are many who know much less than he. This mostly means Nonna. He never believes that she might have some sort of ability to read and decipher what she's read. He will say stuff like, "where did you read that at? National Inquirer?"

Back in her younger days Nonna would have created quite a scene. Sometime she still does but, hey, at 84 she has mellowed a bit.

Anyway........

At one point my complaints were more along the lines of loneliness because the Engineer traveled so much. The kids were small and I couldn't go out to play tennis too much. I would call and whine about not having any adult companionship and when the Engineer was home.......well, what can I say, he is an Engineer.

Finally she says to me, "Lucy, what you have is a case of the housewife blues. Now there are many ways I can think of that can help you get over this. One way would be to go back to school. You could take a class or two in the mornings." I thought this over for a bit and I told her I thought that it was a really good idea. In the next breath she said slyly, "or you could just have an affair. It doesn't cost very much and  that would definitely get you over your blues!"

I had been near tears when the conversation started......after that........AWWW, LAWDY!!! There were tears but they were from laughing so hard. Later I told the Engineer what his mom had said. It didn't "straighten" him out...after all, he learned from the Master.

Over the years she has always been there to give me her advise and offer comfort. She loves my kids for who they are not who she thinks they should be. It's truly an unconditional love.

The Engineer didn't want me to call his mom and tell her about Triple D. He was afraid she would worry too much. He was gone this week and I called anyway. I had no one to talk to and I surely wasn't going there with my unsympathetic mother.

In between my sobs of sorrow she cooed and consoled and offered all she had. In the end she gave me this bit of wisdom that stopped my tears.

She said, "Lucy, there is always hope. Triple D, even the Criminal, may come around and eventually do something good. There is always hope of this. Do you know why Lucy? They are alive."

Standing: PIT, LL, Me. Seated: Triple D, Nonna, Baby

Nonna still has close relationships with her ex-daughter's in laws and I know if anything were to every happened to the Engineer and I, I would still have a friend in Nonna.