Secrets

ChaMy life is pretty much an open book. I don't have too many problems "airing the dirty laundry."

I've often wondered about people holding secrets. I can remember when Clyde was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder; the doctor asked me if there was anyone in the family that had experienced depression. I told them that my older son was always depressed.  The psychologist asked if there was alcoholism in the family. I said "yes sireee, yes indeedy." He asked if anyone had a thyroid problem. I told him not that I knew of .  As it turns out, when most people having bipolar disorder  track the family history they find a common ground with these 3 things.

I remember calling mom later that day and asking her questions about the family. I asked if there had been any depression or mental illnesses in the family. She said no one was ever diagnosed but  then she relayed all sorts of information about my dad's side of the family. For instance, my Uncle Jerry had been admitted to a Psych Unit after dangling his, now ex wife, out the 3rd floor window of their apartment. Then the story was told of my Uncle Vannie who spent time in Chattahoochee State Mental Hospital  after going into DTs. She didn't relay any information about her family.

I didn't even ask about my dad's family and drinking. We all knew that my dad's mom and dad were alcoholic and  so were all 3 of his brothers.  My dad and his sister were the only 2 in the family who were able to drink sensibly. I knew my mom had had a drinking problem in her younger years.My sister and I had our fair share of drinking episodes too. (Little did I know that my brother and my oldest son would soon have their own drinking problems) When I asked about my mom's side of the family, she just said that her dad had drank in his early years.

I questioned her about thyroid problems and no one had any problems as far as she knew (later both my sister and mom were diagnosed with hypothyroidism, completing the "3")

The Engineer's mom and I would have all sorts of discussions about depression and alcohol use. The Engineer's paternal great grandfather had committed suicide. There was no "alcohol abuse"  noted in his family. There were no mental illnesses beside what the great grandfather may have had.

Several years later my mom's brother committed suicide. I asked my mom if she had any idea that he was  depressed. She told me about his attempts at suicide and his alcoholism in prior years. He had been in a sever state of depression since his wife had died (at this time I don't remember how long she had been dead before his tragic death).

I asked her why she never told me when I first asked and she said, "I didn't want to air the family's dirty laundry." She didn't mind airing dad's but she wasn't going to tell her family's secrets.

So now we are in the present day and I have no  problems telling anyone anything about my family.My philosophy is: the more who know the more likely you'll be informed if they see something. Example: If I pretend there is no problem keep the secret of Triple D's drug abuse, then my friend who saw Triple D coming out of  crack town might not want to be the first person to tell me they saw her.They know I know and tell me immediately if they see her.

My older grand girls have been raised to keep secrets not air the family dirt by their mom and their mom's side of the family. What I'm finding out at this time would make your straight hair kink up like your pubes.

I think it comes down to a matter of trust for the girls. Can they trust me with the information they are giving me?  What am I going to do with the information when I find out?

If you cover your eyes do things not exist? If you cover your ears is there really no scream? 

Are family secrets kept because of embarrassment or are they kept because of fear?

My Mom

This is going to be a bitch session tribute to my mom. Her birthday is coming soon. Actually her birthday is coming on the same day as mine.

I talk to my mom at least once a week. She lives in North Carolina  with dad. My sis lives "in town" and my brother lives a few hours away. I'm always amazed when they bitch about how mom bothers them. I'm always the first to tell them they should be thankful that she is so close. I remind them that they can have holidays and visits anytime they choose.

So anyway......Mom is a smart ass and doesn't even realize it. She doesn't think before commenting on most anything.

I'd like to blame it on her almost being 72 but she's acted like this all her life. My sister once asked if I thought she acted this way because of   the tumor they removed from her brain.....she was blank for a long time. My dad actually asked for her doctor to continue the anti-seizure meds. because it made her so mellow.

My mom claims to be a Christian. The years growing up at home made me loath the faith. If I asked a question about religion, I'd be called a heathen. I remember once asking why we were not allowed to marry a black person.....She proceeds with....if god had meant for us to cohabitate he would not have destroyed the work on the Tower of Babel. My granddad was Jewish (by faith when he was young.)  My dad's dad claimed to be a Spaniard and my dad's mom was Cherokee (how much more can a couple look dark without being??) Go figure...god changed their color too? I guess I am a Heathen?? Whatever......

 Mostly anything you don't agree with makes you suspect in mom's eyes. She will argue anyone down on any subject. An example........my sis has medium length hair. Mom says "oh you've never had your hair that short before". My sis has always kept her hair in the Dorothy Hamil style. She has just recently started to grow it out. My mom argued for 20 minutes with my sis on the subject of her hair length. I don't know why sis continued to argue.This is the BIG difference in myself and my siblings. I don't argue with her. I usually say, "WHAT. EVER. MOM."  and change the subject.


When my aunt died she told her brother "well, if she'd taken better care of herself, this would have never happened."

The on going thing she does is to play my bro and sis against each other. She will tell my brother that my sister said something about him and then she will tell my sister what he said in answer to that.There have been times when they would have nothing to do with each other...and it was all because of  dear ole mom. I don't know if she gets pleasure in this sort of thing or if she truly has no idea that she is causing hell and havoc.

My dad doesn't say much. He sleeps a lot. He works a lot. He tries to stay out of her way for the most part. My baggage was not only anger at mom but at dad too. He didn't argue, he didn't stand up for himself or his kids. He kept his mouth shut for the sake of peace.

I could go on and on since I've dealt with her for almost 54 years.....but I won't. I'll get down to the reason for my rant.

I was talking to her the other night. I asked if she had heard from my niece, my brother's child. She said she had talked to my brother and he asked her not to say anything negative to his kid (she is pregnant). She said, "oh why would I ever do that?" Then she told me what she said to my niece...... " I can only hope that you will be a better parent than someone else that I know." I kind of freaked out for a moment. No one has ever been good enough for my brother according to mom. I am NOT believing she had just cut my niece's mom down to her face.

I say, "mom that was negative."
She says, "why??"
I say, "you just cut her mom down."
She says, "no I didn't."

I say, "what???"

She says, "I was talking about Triple D."

OH!MY! FUCKING! GOD!

 I'm pissed. I tell my mom that she is not a very nice person and that I hope she has not relayed Triple D's problems to my niece. She says she told my niece who she was talking about.  I tell my mom that she has no clue what kind of mom Triple D is. Then she drops the kicker.

"Well I do know how Triple D is because you always tell me."  

She's got me there, I guess. That will teach me to vent to my mom. I should have remembered that she uses your weaknesses against you. 

My vow:

to never tell her anything but positive things about Triple D and to be more understanding when my siblings get pissed.

 

So Happy Fucking Birthday Mom!!

Tuesday's Pony about to be Found

I saw this bumper sticker today and for some reason it made me happy....can't say thankful because...well, here is what it said :                      Person's name 
                                                                           7/7/1956-10/8/2008 
                                                                         Mission Accomplished

This person wasn't very old but how wonderful it must be to have accomplished what you were put here to do.....or better yet to feel that you've accomplished your purpose in your life time.

1. As the matriarch, I'm thankful for my family. Do you see why I'm a Martyr...wouldn't you be if your family looked like this???
Meet the rest of my family at Small World






2. Thankful my family doesn't have to go to food banks to find their next meal. PAY IT FORWARD - GIVE BACK - HELP THOSE IN NEED if you can!
I don't know why we always wait for the holidays to help but better now than never.....




3. I'll be thankful when November 2nd is over and done with. I'm tired of blathering  politicians. He said , she said is so old to me. Why does anyone vote when all that is ever said is how bad the opponent is ???

4. I'm up to playing tennis 4 times per week now. I'll be thankful when some of this fat  just melts off me .......uh.....excuse me?? could you pass the chocolate cherry ice cream???

5. I'm very thankful my daughter is another week clean....in spite of my son. I love Mikey but I'm double thankful he went back to his 7th Day Adventist Commune.