I've often wondered about people holding secrets. I can remember when Clyde was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder; the doctor asked me if there was anyone in the family that had experienced depression. I told them that my older son was always depressed. The psychologist asked if there was alcoholism in the family. I said "yes sireee, yes indeedy." He asked if anyone had a thyroid problem. I told him not that I knew of . As it turns out, when most people having bipolar disorder track the family history they find a common ground with these 3 things.
I remember calling mom later that day and asking her questions about the family. I asked if there had been any depression or mental illnesses in the family. She said no one was ever diagnosed but then she relayed all sorts of information about my dad's side of the family. For instance, my Uncle Jerry had been admitted to a Psych Unit after dangling his, now ex wife, out the 3rd floor window of their apartment. Then the story was told of my Uncle Vannie who spent time in Chattahoochee State Mental Hospital
after going into DTs. She didn't relay any information about her family.I didn't even ask about my dad's family and drinking. We all knew that my dad's mom and dad were alcoholic and so were all 3 of his brothers. My dad and his sister were the only 2 in the family who were able to drink sensibly. I knew my mom had had a drinking problem in her younger years.My sister and I had our fair share of drinking episodes too. (Little did I know that my brother and my oldest son would soon have their own drinking problems) When I asked about my mom's side of the family, she just said that her dad had drank in his early years.
I questioned her about thyroid problems and no one had any problems as far as she knew (later both my sister and mom were diagnosed with hypothyroidism, completing the "3")
The Engineer's mom and I would have all sorts of discussions about depression and alcohol use. The Engineer's paternal great grandfather had committed suicide. There was no "alcohol abuse" noted in his family. There were no mental illnesses beside what the great grandfather may have had.
Several years later my mom's brother committed suicide. I asked my mom if she had any idea that he was depressed. She told me about his attempts at suicide and his alcoholism in prior years. He had been in a sever state of depression since his wife had died (at this time I don't remember how long she had been dead before his tragic death).
I asked her why she never told me when I first asked and she said, "I didn't want to air the family's dirty laundry." She didn't mind airing dad's but she wasn't going to tell her family's secrets.
So now we are in the present day and I have no problems telling anyone anything about my family.My philosophy is: the more who know the more likely you'll be informed if they see something. Example: If I
My older grand girls have been raised to
I think it comes down to a matter of trust for the girls. Can they trust me with the information they are giving me? What am I going to do with the information when I find out?
If you cover your eyes do things not exist? If you cover your ears is there really no scream?
Are family secrets kept because of embarrassment or are they kept because of fear?
